Friday, April 04, 2008

Rights for furniture-lovers

A few years ago I was one of the Colorado Voices writers in the Denver Post. It's an opportunity for "regular" people to write op-ed pieces. One of the essays I wrote was called "Don't Defend My Marriage" and it was about the fact that the arguments against gay marriage are the same old ones they used against interracial marriages not so far back in the day. (As I noted in my essay Colorado's anti-miscegenation laws weren't repealed until 1957...six years after my house was built.)

As you might imagine, I got emails. Boy did I get emails! My favorite was from someone who was apoplectic about the idea that allowing same-sex folks to marry would not only lead to man-and-beast nuptials, but where would it end?! he or she wondered. "Why don't I just marry my couch! What would you think of that?!"

Hubby had the best response. In his deep seductive voice he asked, "Is it a leather couch?" We laughed. A lot. But now this guy makes me realize that perhaps my e-mailer was on to something. Perhaps I reacted too quickly. So I've thought long and hard about this and I want to note for the record that what goes on in the privacy of someone's house between consenting human adults and pieces of furniture is none of my business. And if the human adult and the picnic table should decide to get married one day, who am I to stand in their way?

10 comments:

Gina Black said...

But was it a consenting table? Or did he take it by force . . .

Carleen--you're a woman after my own heart. Sending you hugs on Friday. BTW, I meant to email you but just haven't. I *loved* OM&H. You had my crying on the MTA! It was a deep and delicate story and it followed me around for days after I finished. Bravo you. :)

Larramie said...

This man's "fling"(?) has even made the national network news...a definite problem here.

And three books, three weeks later, I'm still thinking of Shay, Nona, Oliver... :)

Leslie said...

OMG - I'm speechless.....or curious as to if he had dinner on the table before? :)

Carleen Brice said...

Gina, If the table folds, then the table folds.

Larramie, Shows you how much I know. I learned of this guy on Letterman last night!

Leslie, I was worried about splinters! I was relieved to read the table was metal.

Demon Hunter said...

Hi, Carleen

I saw you on Ello's blog and wanted to stop by and say hello. I've never heard of your book, so I'm glad I stopped by. I definitely plan to buy it and read it! :*)

~Tyhitia

Shauna Roberts said...

I suppose a table beats sheep, since it can't feel anything and doesn't make a mess on the carpet. And it probably doesn't do the physical damage of, say, a vacuum cleaner.

I applaud your op-ed piece. I've that "gay marriage undermines heterosexual marriage" line so many times, yet none of the antihomosexual people ever takes the next step and explains what it is they think will happen. Did any of your emailers explain their logic? (Or perhaps there isn't any logic, if that one person was worried about people marrying furniture?)

Carleen Brice said...

Demon Hunter, Thanks so much! Hope you like the book.

Shauna, Thank you. I was speaking specifically to ideas like gay marriages are bad for children, which was also one of the arguments against interracial marriage. I got lots of positive responses. There was no logic in the negative ones. Just fear and hate and ignorance.

Lisa said...

So -- does this mean this guy will be a registered sex offender? Will he be prohibited from living within 100 yards of a Kacey Fine Furniture Store?

I read OM&H months ago and still find myself thinking about it. I hope the numbers are going strong!

Carleen Brice said...

Lisa, That might not be a bad idea, but I still haven't yet heard if it's really illegal to have sex with tables. Maybe outside where people can see you (though his neighbor sure has some 'splainin to do--3 DVDs??). But in the privacy of your own home shouldn't you be able to get down with a table?

Mary Ann (Moanna) said...

This opens up another market for match.com.

And I'm with you on the gay marriage issue.