I watched the movie Waitress last night. The movie is touching, but the true story of the writer & director even more so. Actress Adrienne Shelly was 40 with a small daughter, a husband and a budding career as a filmmaker, and she was murdered shortly before the film was released.
Since landing in the hospital in June, I've been thinking a lot about my own mortality. It was heartbreaking to see Adrienne's daughter in the movie and hear the lullaby "Baby don't you cry" Adrienne wrote for the movie. The movie is ultimately joyful and quite a gift for a mother to leave a child, but, of course, the child would rather have the mother, right? Heartbreaking.
All last night I thought about the movie. And pie. Pie is big in the movie. The main character bakes pies with names like "I Hate My Husband Pie" and "Bad Baby Pie." This morning I read Patry Francis' blog post about her ritual of baking a blueberry pie for her muse every August. And I recalled that Jamey Hatley, too, has blogged about feeding her muse.
As some of y'all may know, about a year and a half ago I kicked a fierce sugar habit. But since coming home from the hospital, I have been ferociously craving chocolate cake. And since life is short, I've had some (and it was divine!). Now I wonder if it's not my body's way of asking for what it needs? Feeding the heart, feeding the muse, is there any difference? Or are these severe cravings just lovely hormonal changes brought on by perimenopause...and even if they are, do you listen to your hormones or ignore them?
It's painfully confusing to quit a bad habit and try so hard to be healthy and then end up sick. What's that supposed to mean? What's the lesson? What's the point? Maybe there's something to the idea of feeding oneself, to putting something in for all that we're putting out? If I were to create a pie right now it'd be called "What the F*** Pie." Since I have never mastered the art of pie crust, maybe I'll bake myself a What the F*** Chocolate Cake.
How do you feed yourself? How do you feed your muse? What kind of pie would you bake right now?