Sunday, August 24, 2008

What the F*** Pie

I watched the movie Waitress last night. The movie is touching, but the true story of the writer & director even more so. Actress Adrienne Shelly was 40 with a small daughter, a husband and a budding career as a filmmaker, and she was murdered shortly before the film was released.

Since landing in the hospital in June, I've been thinking a lot about my own mortality. It was heartbreaking to see Adrienne's daughter in the movie and hear the lullaby "Baby don't you cry" Adrienne wrote for the movie. The movie is ultimately joyful and quite a gift for a mother to leave a child, but, of course, the child would rather have the mother, right? Heartbreaking.

All last night I thought about the movie. And pie. Pie is big in the movie. The main character bakes pies with names like "I Hate My Husband Pie" and "Bad Baby Pie." This morning I read Patry Francis' blog post about her ritual of baking a blueberry pie for her muse every August. And I recalled that Jamey Hatley, too, has blogged about feeding her muse.

As some of y'all may know, about a year and a half ago I kicked a fierce sugar habit. But since coming home from the hospital, I have been ferociously craving chocolate cake. And since life is short, I've had some (and it was divine!). Now I wonder if it's not my body's way of asking for what it needs? Feeding the heart, feeding the muse, is there any difference? Or are these severe cravings just lovely hormonal changes brought on by perimenopause...and even if they are, do you listen to your hormones or ignore them?

It's painfully confusing to quit a bad habit and try so hard to be healthy and then end up sick. What's that supposed to mean? What's the lesson? What's the point? Maybe there's something to the idea of feeding oneself, to putting something in for all that we're putting out? If I were to create a pie right now it'd be called "What the F*** Pie." Since I have never mastered the art of pie crust, maybe I'll bake myself a What the F*** Chocolate Cake.

How do you feed yourself? How do you feed your muse? What kind of pie would you bake right now?


Patry Francis said...

My kids had the same questions when I got sick. How could it happen to you? You always ate well, exercised, never smoked. But I guess there's no inoculating ourselves against our mortality.

I love the way you equate feeding the muse and feeding the heart. That's what it's all about isn't it?

Travis Erwin said...

My eating habits are horrendous and I know someday I will pay a price for it, but I seem powerless to change. And a coconut cream pie ought to feed my muse just fine.

Lisa said...

I like the idea of what the F*** pie or cake. I think sometimes you do have to feed the muse, the heart, the spirit (give it whatever name you like) with what it wishes. Being mindful of diet and exercise is a good thing to do, but we all need balance and a break from that sometimes when it makes us feel deprived. We all have to say, "what the f***" sometimes.

Carleen Brice said...

Patry, "Why me?" didn't sting as much as "why now?" But Amy M had a really good post with the 5 Remembrances of the Budhha that has greatly helped.

Travis, I think that's one of the lessons: we pay whether we're "bad" or "good. Whether we obey all the rules or not, we're still going to go one day.

Lisa, You're right: we have to find balance...which is what I struggle with more than anything. Not being at one extreme or the other.

Ello said...

I think having chocolate cake is an absolute necessity to my life. Every once in awhile, it is my "Life is good" chocolate cake. Enjoying its sweet rich goodness reminds me that life is good and to be enjoyed. To always have to punish ourselves because we label things as bad for us can also make us sick. I say a little bit of enjoying life will go a long way to making us feel better.

So have a slice and feel better Carleen!

Judy Merrill Larsen said...

Well, I made peach blueberry cobbler yesterday (pie without the bottom crust, so to speak) and it's divine. Cooking tends to feed not only my stomach but my heart and soul. It's creative, it demonstrates love for my family, and it makes the house smell so darn good.

Now, I'm off to take a long walk so that when I come home I can have a bowl of cobbler for breakfast and not feel so guilty!

Carleen Brice said...

Hi Ello, I used to have chocolate when life was good, when life was bad, when the sun was up, when it was dark. You name it. I had a reason for it. That's why I'm hestitant to have a life is good slice of cake...I'm not sure I know how to be moderate in this area. I may need Chocolate Cake-aholics Anonymous.

Judy, Long walks are one way to do have your pie and eat it too, huh? Your cobbler sounds delish! I made a blueberry crisp last month w/oatmeal, walnut, whole-wheat topping that I thought was great. Hubby didn't like so much though.

Lafreya said...

My muse had been on Weight Watchers and is now forty pounds lighter and has a decent blood pressure. It still gets cranky so every now and then I make it peach cobbler or cheese cake which I serve up as an offering to my very skinny writers group and friends

For those who can't make piecrust. Or who hate to make pie crust like I do. Pillsbury® makes a rolled refrigerated pie crusts that is wonderful and easy to use. It is in a red box over by the cans of refrigerated biscuits. It is flakey and browns beautifully.

I love fruit crisps. I make them all the time. They are so healthy. I wish I could include the nuts but I'm allergic to just about every one of them.

charles brice said...

My dear, darling sister. The one constant in my life is I try to remember what's truly important. Our bodies decay, relationships wane, jobs come and go. I often find myself asking if it will be something that I remember/regret during my last hours. If I knew I was going to die in 2 hours, would I care about my hair loss, love handles or sore knees? Would I worry about the unpaid gas bill or that my son didn't take out the garbage?
The obvious answer is HELL NO! I would regret not wringing every ounce of joy and happiness out of today! I will remember the happy memories - like playing orphanage! I will do so, eating the greasiest double cheeseburger with extra bacon and the coldest beer I can get my hands on. And not skimp on the chili and cheese on the fries!
You should have your cake and eat it too for tomorrow may never come!
Love ya,

jamey said...

hey carleen. yes. my muse has it pretty good. just today porkchops on the grill & honey mustard slaw...doing a bit of freezer clearing..just in case...i lost around 25 pounds last year and this year get diagnosed with high blood pressure. i walk a couple of miles 5 or 6 times a week. cook most of my meals...and i do the best i can and have my chocolate cupcakes, too...

Sustenance Scout said...

So much great advice here, Carleen! I'm a sucker for desserts and the fake sugar stuff makes me as jittery as caffeine, so I just indulge when I want and work out when I can. A close friend who's lost a bunch of weight recently remarked "it's all about movement." Get up and get going and eat well along the way and you'll be in good shape. And let go of those extremes!! They're the worst. K.