I started this post with very different intentions, but this is what came out: I want to pay tribute to those of us who are motherless. For all of us who have to mother ourselves. Maybe our mothers have passed away. Maybe they live still but abandoned us. Or maybe they stayed but can't/don’t/won’t give us what we need.
I am a motherless child. I was birthed by a teenage mother who did the best she could, but sometimes it wasn’t good enough. Sometimes even though she was around, I was on my own. In some ways I raised myself (and her too).
Then when I was 28 she died, and I missed her best-that-sometimes-wasn’t-good-enough. I still do.
Whichever is your situation, here’s to all of you who parent yourselves. Who raised yourselves up from child to adult. Who learned how to be from books, movies, tv shows, teachers, pastors, shrinks, the streets, from whoever and whatever would teach you. Who have found others-play mamas, girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands-to give you what you didn’t/couldn't/won’t get from your mother.
I'm lucky. I have a beautiful stepmother, a loving grandmother, a great stepmother-in-law, wonderful girlfriends. I thank them all today. But on this day of mothers I have to say I miss the one I had and the one I wished I'd had.
And I pay tribute to all the motherless ones out there. For us: